(2019)
[Laura is at Checkpoint’s—again—and once again harrassing people about their favorite Frenchmen memories. Dan is behind the bar.]
L: … You did what on Frenchmen?
Dan: Abducted a woman.
L: Um…
Dan: But turns out it was all fine. I’m that charming, apparently.
[the bar guffaws]
L: How did you abduct her?
Dan: Well, I was dressed as Pan, and I was on a bunch of mushrooms, and then a whole flock of sheep comes by–all these girls dressed as sheep–and I’m like, “They’re characters.” So I grab one of them and I take off. I’m stealing a sheep!
[All drug references are fictional. As in all of these interviews…….]
We ended up going into the bar over there, next to the garage by Fiorella’s, and of course now I’m like, “I don’t know what to do with this sheep.” So I just started buying her drinks. I was just like a dog chasing a car… now I’m just gonna buy drinks.
But then her friends show up–all these angry sheep stamping into the bar–and they wanted to kick my ass! Flock of angry sheep coming at you, I’m like, “Ah, fuck!”, a bunch of ‘em staring at me, and… Well, I guess I lost my wallet in the process.
Next day, she comes to my house, and she says, “I found your wallet. It was laying in the street by the bar.”
Best abduction ever.
